Why You’ll Never Make It By Faking It

featured on the essential life

When most of us think of the subconscious, they associate it with deeply rooted desires. Wants. Needs. We often overlook the fact that the subconscious doesn’t just show us what we need, it shows us what’s holding us back - our fears.

There’s often a disconnect when it comes to reconciling those wants, needs, & fears with our current state of being. We think it’s as simple as making the statement that we’re not going to be afraid. That we’re going to get what we want or what we need.

But this is what gets us stuck in ruts – understanding where we want to go and where we need to be, but unable to determine how to get there. Where do we start?

I don’t believe in “Fake it ‘til you make it.”

Telling yourself that you’re a butterfly when you believe you’re a worm does nothing but delude you into thinking you should be able to fly, & yet you can’t. You’re still stuck on the ground, in the mud, drowning.

The subconscious mind serves up a multitude of distress signals in it’s attempt to alert us to the fact that something is very wrong. Fear, drama, anger, depression & a multitude of other negative emotions act as red flashing emergency lights, & yet many of us blame outside circumstances for causing those emotions rather than looking inward to find their source.

Dreams are another outlet that the subconscious mind uses to clue us into what’s really going on with our emotional state, nightmares in particular. Recurring dream symbols rise up from the subconscious mind to reflect back to us the emotions that we’re choosing to ignore.

When will the nightmares end? Only when you deal with what it is they are showing you, instead of continuing to bury them.

That’s why “Fake it ‘til you make it” just won’t cut it – it does nothing to address the root cause.

You’ll never be happy if you are defining yourself by your relationships. Yet, that IS how you define yourself – you define who you are in relation to other people. But not based on how they react to you or what they give you, but rather how you react to them & how you view yourself in relation to them.

With every interaction you have with another person, ask yourself, “What is this showing me about how I FEEL about myself?”

Because right now, many of us look at it & say, “What does this show me about myself,” which says that the other person’s point of view is somehow “correct” & what they perceive in you is an accurate depiction of who you actually are.

But how someone else sees you in not always accurate. Especially in the case of a single interaction with an individual, in many cases what they perceive in you is really just a projection of their feelings about themselves, & vice versa – how you perceive them is coloured by your own insecurities. The reason people project those things onto others is because they don’t want to take emotional responsibility for it themselves.

There are others who go the opposite direction & instead of projecting outward, completely internalise all of the things that people believe & say about us… because we are validating ourselves based on what they think about us. Because, deep down, we think we aren’t enough & need to fill that void with the opinions of others.

It’s a balance, really, of learning to take & own what belongs to us, & to let go of anything that doesn’t. But it gets a lot easier not to take the things that don’t belong to is when we can clearly see that it’s just a projection of that person’s own insecurity or fear.

In order to do that, we have to clearly know what is ours.

If multiple people are perceiving you the same way & it isn’t just one person, then you need to make an honest assessment of yourself because you are the common denominator. Are you not communicating effectively? Are you ignoring some part of yourself that is being expressed & noticed by these people? Or is there some sort of misunderstanding?

Being honest with ourselves about ourselves is extremely difficult.

Instead of focusing on what other people are saying to you or doing in relation to you, focus on how you feel about what they are saying & doing. Instead of saying, “They made me feel that way, but I’m just going to ignore it.” ask yourself, “Why do I feel this way?”

Allow yourself to feel it instead of shoving it aside. You feel it for a reason. It’s a red flag alerting you to the fact that there is something unresolved – just like the subconscious throwing up symbolism through your nightmares. But you mustn’t attach to that feeling.

Your emotions do not define you any more than someone else’s emotions about you. It’s the belief you hold behind the emotion that is what is defining you, so you have to get down to the belief & that’s where you change it. That’s where you look & you ask yourself, “Is this me?” If it isn’t, then you let it go. That doesn’t happen overnight. It’s more like one step forward, two steps back, 3 steps forward, one step back, until you finally get far enough ahead of it that you stop looking back.

If you have any questions or comments about why you'll never make it by faking it, make yourself heard in the comments. You can also reach our to us via email at info@TheEssentialLife.org. We would also like to invite all of our readers to leave their mark on our website by guest blogging for us. If you would like to share your story, your words & your wisdom with The Essential Life community, & if you'd like to see your articles featured here on The Essential Life, please submit your articles here