My Sister had an Arranged Marriage & This is Why
Featured on The Essential Life
To understand why Asian parents force their children to marry, we should know the Asian Parenting style. Asian families have a large background as three to four generations are living together. These families teach their children to obey their parents & grandparents. They take family obligation & relationship very seriously as it represents their upbringing. Parents think that obligation connects families. The other factors are religion & culture.
The Cultural SIGNIFICANCE of Arranged Marriage
Asian parents take the relationships of their children very seriously.
Parents want their son/daughter to marry a person whom they like. They have a concept of early age marriage as within 30 years. If a person isn’t married & he is 30 years old, then it is considered that the person is flawed in some way. People think that the person who doesn’t get married before the age of 30 must have some sexual, physical or mental illness.
In Asia, parents take it as their primary duty to find a life partner for their child. If they find a person for their son/daughter, they simply ask their son/daughter to marry that particular person. In some countries they force their children to marry the person they have chosen. They may use mental or physical force.
First Hand Experience
A girl from Asia suffered the same situation when she was only 18-years-old.
Her parents forced her to get engaged with her first cousin of 25 years old. The person they were asking her to marry had a relationship with a girl but he left her when his mother told him that she is going to make her niece her daughter-in-law. Everyone agreed on this relationship except for the girl.
She refused to every extent she could. Time passed & she was now 19 & a half when her parents again forced her to get engaged to her cousin. She refused, she cried but no one was listening to her. Her father beat her. He put restrictions on her, barred her from attending college & forced her to stay at home.
He forced her hand by imposing similar restrictions on her sisters too. She was mentally upset & she didn’t know what to do. In other words, she simple had no other choice other than getting married to the one whom she barely knew & for whom she had no affection or any kind of feeling.
How could she spend her whole life with him? How can anyone spend her life with the person who was interested in some other girl for a long time & suddenly he leaves her & wants to get married?
What makes it worse is that her refusal to get married was looked down upon by her family & her community.
Out of Options
Well, there was no other choice for her except to get engaged to her cousin.
She tried to commit suicide, she ate 23 tablets of blood pressure medication, but it didn't work & didn't change anything. It seemed no-one cared about her. Her whole family was forcing her to finalise the relationship with her cousin.
But she wanted to make her career on her own. She wanted to realise her dreams & marry someone whom she liked but everyone was putting her in a so-called relationship. Finally, she couldn't take it any longer & agreed to become engaged to her cousin. This seemed like an end to her dreams.
These type of incidents are very common in Asian countries.
The parents there, care about their pride. They consider marriages based on love to go against their pride. They don’t want their son/daughter (more specifically their daughters) to marry whom they like. There are also some incidents where parent killed their own child for marrying the person their child loved because it was against their honour.
These incidents are caused because people are less educated & parents think if they don’t bind their children with someone whom they like, then their children will choose a partner who bring dishonour to the family, which is not bearable in their society. So they force them in early ages to marry according to their will. These matters have a deep relationship with parenting. As this is a very sensitive issue, it has the link with the coming generations which could affect the future of these countries.
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