The Final Goodbye
featured on the essential life
I have always thought of love as the process of two souls becoming one.
You were the first one to show me this is true.
Every day we'd uncover a new set of reasons why we love each other. That was how we were able to create a new basis of love every now & then.
The romantic soul
Only by thinking of you I was able to reach that special corner of the universe I knew nothing about.
You were my rock. If I needed pushing, you'd push me every time over the edge of my comfort zone. Making me a better version of myself.
Back then, I didn’t know love. Moving into the big city was like discovering a new path. I would later realize it was then when my life actually started. It was my journey of self-discovery. At the beginning of that journey, there was you. I was eager to meet this new world. But I didn’t dare to think that I would meet the whole world in one person.
Everything was falling into the right place. Even the arguments that we had, suddenly stopped. I was at the top of the world, knowing that I finally found the peace I so desperately needed. You were the cure for my restless spirit.
It was not until one seemingly peaceful morning that I realized that it was all a lie.
I was drinking coffee with my friend who just happened to be my roommate. He revealed that you are not as loyal as you seemed to be.
He then proceeded to show me some messages. I was crushed. My world collapsed. He saw how upset I was & he was supposedly worried that I would do something stupid. But I didn’t.
I rushed out of the apartment & went straight to you.
During our conversation, I remember feeling helpless. You crushed my fairy tale. How could you betray me like that? I kept asking.
Even before you said any words I knew by the look in your eyes. There was nothing to betray.
You went on explaining:
"We were just friends under the disguise of so-called love. Yes, we had a great time together. Yes we were there for each other. But a spark was missing ever since that vacation. I saw that we are not made for each other. My passion for you began to vanish. Until there was nothing left. I wanted to tell you, but I didn’t know how. You are so in love..."
These words were like the window of alternative reality. The reality where I was the only one to enjoy our time together. The reality where only one of us cared.
You scheming & plotting how to betray me in the worst possible manner.
In a nutshell
I am aware that I wasn’t much of a knight in shining armor. We were friends at first. You ended a 4-year relationship just to spend time with me. I couldn’t see that. I changed so many girlfriends back then that I lost count. But you kept waiting for me to grow up & realize it was you who was right for me.
When you finally seduced me, you lost interest. Suddenly I was like a puppy to you. I wish that we could just stay friends. That is what we were meant to be all along. The rest was just curiosity. My need to fit someone in my ideal concept of love.
But despite all of that I was blind enough to believe you that our love deserves the second chance. But it was never the same. We kept on seeing each other for a month. You were hanging around with me & my roommate. That’s the time I saw betrayal at its worst. So I became jealous & quite sarcastic. It was a living hell. It was not until the last day of January, when cold winds were rising, that we finally broke up.
How it went on
You wanted to stay friends but I couldn’t. I was trying to erase you from my life. I went on for a year living with that same roommate. I saw the worst of human nature. Jealousy at its peak. But it was another way around.
He was jealous of me. He tried to make me jump out of my skin every time he was coming home, deliriously happy that he found a girl of his dreams. At first, it would annoy me, but later, as I buried every memory of you into the deepest of corners of my wounded soul, I started to recover.
Eventually, I found the girl of my dreams. The girl I can enjoy real love with. The girl, sweetest of them all.
A closing chapter
I learned my lesson. I learned that I should always listen, not just with my ears, but with my heart as well. This time I am not creating love out of anything. But I enjoy every moment, listening & respecting the needs of the other side.
As for my ex-girlfriend and my ex-roommate...
... Well, let’s just say this was not what they hoped for. It turned out to be one of those destructive relationships that ended up with her trying to reach me again & again, telling me that she is sorry & that it was all a mistake.
But I didn’t care. I found my happiness again.
In this world of unconditional love, I am creating for myself, there is no place for you, even as a friend. Goodbye.