featured on the essential life
At times life throws us lemons, making lemonade out of them is easier said than done.
Getting married at nineteen & having a kid at twenty was such an overwhelming experience. I wasn’t ready for either but I chose to go with the tides. My partner & I struggled a lot financially & psychologically since neither of us was prepared to take such a huge step in life. My husband was just twenty-three.
Trying to Make it
We were still trying to figure out ourselves & barely knew much about life. We struggled through life but never for a day did we miss a single meal. We definitely couldn’t afford much but we were both happy… at least that is what I thought.
When our son was one, I came across a text message on my husband's phone. He was flirting with an older lady. My heart crushed into tiny pieces, I had not seen that coming. It affected my self-esteem in a way that I cannot begin to describe. Growing up, I watched my parents fight but not for a single day did they fight because of adultery.
The Doubt That Comes From Betrayal
For a moment, I doubted God’s existence. I was too young to start having trust issues in my marriage. My faith was really tested. Even the slightest of betrayal is betrayal… the pain is immeasurable.
After confronting him he denied sleeping with the woman but something so strong made me doubt it. The days that followed were full of mixed emotions. A part of me wanted to believe the saying ‘once a cheat always a cheat’ but a part of me badly wanted to forgive & move on with life as if nothing had happened.
The Worst Day
Just when the dust was settling, the worst happened. August, 28, 2015 will forever remain the worst day of my life. On this very day, I went through a humiliating, saddening & an unbelievable experience. My husband of three years confessed to me that he was in love with another woman. If I say that my heart broke…that would be an understatement. I was lost & distraught. I just didn’t know what to do.
As a little girl I had dreams, dreams of spending the rest of my life with the father of my kids, dreams of loving until the end of time. In that moment, I didn’t know whether to cry or die, to breath or not to….I was drained.
The days that followed were full of confusion. It felt like a bad dream & I couldn’t wait to wake up from it. In times like this, prayer is the only way out. After a few days of contemplating things, I decided to do the hardest thing…walk away!
Leaving my son behind, was the toughest thing I have ever had to do. I chose to leave him behind because I was in no position to even take care of myself. Picking up pieces is super hard but with a strong support system it’s bearable. I used to cry myself to sleep, eating became quite a hustle, at some point my mum was sure that I was going to die.
Almost two years later, I can’t thank God enough. They say everything happens for a reason, even the most trying ones. I am now a better woman, I know my worth, I now know how to choose my battles wisely, & on top of it all, my relationship with God is admirable. Even the hardest of battles has an end!!